In The Beginning

In honor of April 1, I submit this bit of humor I first ran across when I was an undergraduate. I swear it was pinned to the bulletin board at CMC (now CMU) around Annual Conference time in the mid-1970s, but I haven’t tracked down its origin. Fortunately, a Google search turned up the content if not the originator. You’ll notice the archaic two spaces between sentences, which give the text an antique feel.


In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  The earth was 
without form, and void; so God created a small committee.  God 
carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, sex, ethnic origin 
and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic 
concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines.  
Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day. 

And God said, "Let the committee draw up a mission statement."  And 
behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize.  And God 
called that process empowerment.  And God thought it sounded pretty 
good.  And evening and morning were the second day. 

And God said, "Let the committee determine goals and objectives, and 
engage in long-range planning."  Unfortunately, a debate as to the 
semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all 
of the third day.  Although the question was never satisfactorily 
resolved, God thought the "process" was constructive.  And evening and 
morning were the third day. 

And God said, "Let there be a retreat in which the committee can 
envision functional organization, and, engaged in planning, be 
objective."  The committee considered adjustment of priorities and 
consequential alternatives to program decisions and God saw that this 
was good.  And God thought that it was even worth all the coffee and 
donuts he had to supply. And so ended the fourth day. 

And God said, "Let the committee be implemented consistent with long-
range planning and strategy."  The committee considered guidelines and 
linkages and structural sensitivities, and alternative and implemental 
models.  And God saw that this was very democratic.  And so would have 
ended the fifth day, except for the unintentional renewal of the 
debate about the differences between goals and objectives. 

On the sixth day, the committee agreed on criteria for adjudicatory 
assessment and evaluation.  This wasn't the agenda God had planned.  He 
wasn't able to attend, however, because he had to take the afternoon 
off to create day and night, and heaven and earth and seas and plants 
and trees and seasons and years and sun and moon and birds and fish and 
animals and human beings. 

On the seventh day, God rested and the committee submitted its 
recommendations.  It turned out that the recommended forms for things 
were nearly identical to the way God had already created them; so the 
committee passed a resolution commending God for his implementation 
according to the guidelines.  There was, however, some opinion 
expressed quietly that humans should have been created in the 
committee's image. 

And God caused a deep sleep to fall on the committee.

Any visiting scholar is welcome to supply the appropriate citation of authorship.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: